The Train Bearing Gifts

I find it hilarious, that as I left school I was telling my friend Jana about different train stories, mostly lewd ones that involved genitalia. My point is that I walked to the train soon after and had one of the worst yet so bad it was good train rides ever. You know what I'm talking about the super packed - because you know people have been waiting for at least half an hour for it and don't want to wait for the next one- train. Yeah that one. So, I squeeze on with my two huge bags and try to hold them near the front of me as I try to hold onto a pole where 6 other hands are holding on for dear life. Did I mention this is the J train at Essex stop, the stop where you always hope the Z express is still running. Why? Because it cuts my commute to almost half but its sort of like the ghost train that never comes. Anyway, as we cross the Williamsburg Bridge I have two middle aged men discussing their winning tactics of "Dungeons and Dragons" but in a rather jibberish sort of English. One had a really awful stutter yet somehow was able to utter,"Yo, I kill them niggas everyday!" The other guy just plain seemed to mumble everything out of his mouth but somehow I understood their lingo of the game. At first, it was amusing but after 20 minutes of hearing this conversation I could feel the smoke coming out of my ears because they were talking as loud as they could to try to impress these younger girls sitting right in front of them. While this is going on there is a lady literally pushing into my side trying to reach for the pole that was already covered in hands. She was literally on my back and all the while had she turned around to look she might have seen there was a pole behind her that she was blocking for others to grab onto.
Finally Broadway Junction comes and somehow in this mess a seat that one lady was taking up myself and another girl managed to make it into two seats. I'm sitting there thinking ok this train is going local for 6 more stops and I'm off of here but then all of a sudden the conductor says," This is the J train to Queens the next stop is CRESCENT, this train is going express." Mothereffin music to my ears because thats my STOP!!! While this train is rushing to my stop a phone rings and a girl answers, its her boyfriend. You can clearly hear him asking her who is she with and where is she at? She says," I'm with Shawna and we fixin to go to the movies for her birthday." Train is packed so there is a lot of background noise men and women etc. You hear the voice on the other end say," What is all that noise and who is that?!" She starts to explain and it sounds like he cuts her off and she says to him," I'm on the train with Shawna its her birthday, no we are still on the train. How can you NOT believe me!?" Yes, she's standing right in front of me yelling into her phone, she even got a little spittle on me too. Her friend then proceeds to yell into the receiver," Yo, niggas is mad stupid! Don't worry dude I'm going to take care of her real good!! " I'm sitting there trying not to laugh but the rest of the women sitting next to me are laughing. The guy hangs up on her twice and she kept calling him back. As the train gets to my stop I turn to the girl next to me and tell her to have a good night, we had been talking the entire way while all of this was happening. As I got up I said, " This is the train bearing gifts tonight, mostly unwanted ones. Happy Holidays. " She laughs and says," Good night homie."  Wait, I'm not done although I thought the madness was over. There were so many people trying to get off at my stop and there was this woman who refused to let go of a pole to let people by so people were literally having to walk under her arm and some were too big to do so and just pushed her aside and she's yelling," These people pushin me out the way I can't hold on!!" She tried to block me and I said to her," Why don't you wait until everyone gets off of the train before hanging onto a pole, how does you holding on now make sense?" Poor lady, I had been holding it in the entire ride and I made sure I left that frustration on the train and let her have it. hahahah! Happy Finals and Happy Holidays!!!